


years

by orphan_account



Series: help me breathe [15]
Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangs, FUCK, M/M, WHY DO I KEEP FUCKING POSTING THESE ON ACCIDENT WHILE IM DRAFTING THEM, k bitch i thought so, so i can say 'no this needed tobe drafted' and ao3 can be like, there needs 2 be a pop up like 'are u sure u wanna fckn post this u idiot'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-27 09:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5042623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is his mistake to make. And make it he does.<br/>(Dongsung cannot stop tearing himself apart.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	years

**Author's Note:**

> the tags say it all. nothing is worse than the fear felt when you accidentally hit 'post without preview'. i hate it.  
> have you ever fucked up so bad? both me and dongsung have.  
> anyway. kudos + comments are appreciated!

It takes another year for Dongsung to move out, for him to feel okay, for him to stop searching, for him to get a job, and for him to remember that the code for a spill is not 546, it’s 564.

And then.

He’s looking down at his hands when someone comes to his register. He was hoping he could make it to break without another customer, but since he’s working the ‘20 items or less’ line tonight, it can’t be that bad.

“Good evening, how are you today?” Dongsung asks conversationally as he flicks the switch to get the conveyer belt to bring the bag of dog food and box of mac and cheese closer to him. He raises his eyes from the items to the person still unloading things from their cart. And his heart sinks.

“I’m fine,” Sehyuk says, after maintaining eye contact for a few beats, “and you look good in that hat.”

Dongsung scans the dog food, heart pounding in his chest. “Thanks. You look good with long hair.”

He catches a glimpse of Sehyuk’s smile as he turns to open up a bag from the carousel and place the dog food in it, putting the mac and cheese in as well. “Do you have a dog now?” Dongsung asks, and Sehyuk shakes his head.

“No, I’m just… in town, visiting Junhee. She asked if I would run some errands for her sect, which consisted of food for all the kids, human or otherwise.” Sehyuk tucks some hair that’s fallen out of his ponytail behind his ear. “Yoori has a daughter now, almost two years old. It’s amazing, it doesn’t feel like I’ve been gone that long.”

Dongsung’s throat feels dry. He’s not sure what to say. “You, uh, you look- ah. Are you, uh-”

He cuts himself off when Sehyuk starts laughing, reserved and behind his hand, but it’s so jarring because it’s genuine. He’s never heard Sehyuk laugh in anything more than scorn or spite, and it’s honestly cute. It brings something to the surface.

“I’m healthy and I’m doing well, if that’s what you were trying to go for.” Sehyuk says, a smile still on his face as Dongsung bags up the rest of his groceries. “How about you?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m… I’m fine, I guess. Uh, your total is 10.27.” Dongsung keeps his fingers from brushing Sehyuk’s when Sehyuk hands over the money.

“You guess?” Sehyuk asks once Dongsung has ripped the receipt free of the machine and handed it to him.

Dongsung nods. “I guess.”

Sehyuk smiles again, stunning. “It was nice seeing you again, Dongsung.” He says, voice soft, fond.

Dongsung bites his bottom lip hard, willing himself to stay silent as Sehyuk puts his bags in his cart. He can’t. “My break is in five minutes,” he breathes, and Sehyuk pauses. “Please, stick around.” Sehyuk opens his mouth, no doubt to protest, but Dongsung presses on. “Just once. You said you’re in town, visiting Junhee, so you’ll be gone again soon, right? So just once.”

Sehyuk closes his mouth again, eyebrows coming together. He looks impossibly sad, and it breaks Dongsung’s heart. “Alright. I’ll wait at the front.”

Nobody else comes through his lane in those five minutes, but Dongsung still has to wait until midnight precisely before he can clock out for his fifteen minute break. As soon as he does, he practically runs to the front area, where there’s a couple benches and Sehyuk, sitting on one of them and staring down at his lap.

“Hey,” Dongsung says, mostly to get his attention. The look Sehyuk gives him is almost relieved. It hurts Dongsung to think that, maybe, Sehyuk thought he wouldn’t hold to his word. Dongsung sits down beside him, pushing his cart out of the way slightly so he can slide in behind it. “So… Sehyuk, where have you been?”

Sehyuk sighs, going back to staring at his lap. “America.”

“Really?”

Sehyuk nods. “I… I’m going to college, things are better. I have a job.” He brushes stray hair away from his face, and when his hand falls, Dongsung takes it in his. The weight is familiar, comforting.

Whatever rose earlier bubbles over in the form of tears. “I’ve missed you so much,” Dongsung whispers, holding onto Sehyuk’s hand tightly. “I don’t know why, I’ve just missed you so much.”

Sehyuk leans over onto Dongsung, resting his head on Dongsung’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you too, Dongsung. Despite everything, I feel so alone without you.”

Dongsung half-turns to face Sehyuk, kissing his temple first, then his cheek, then his lips when Sehyuk turns his head. He peppers kisses over as much of Sehyuk’s face as he can, drawing an elated giggle from Sehyuk as Dongsung moves down his neck, finding bumpy skin and kissing it.

“Did I do this, here?” Dongsung asks, sitting up so he can look at Sehyuk’s neck. Yes, there are scars there, lumpy and irregular. Dongsung drags his fingertips over them.

“Ah, yes, and this one too.” Sehyuk lifts his left arm and pushes up his sleeve, revealing a slightly indented portion of skin, a lighter color than the skin around it. “Always biting me. I miss it.”

Dongsung’s chest hurts. “I need to go soon, and you do too, right?” Sehyuk nods. “So. This time, you came to visit Junhee. Next time, come to visit me.”

Sehyuk’s agreement is wordless, a kiss to the corner of Dongsung’s mouth. Dongsung kisses him proper before he returns to work, whispering against his lips: “My number is still the same.”

Sehyuk shakes his head. “I won’t call you, you call me. My number is still the same too.”

 

Dongsung keeps it a secret.

He’s almost bursting with happiness, and if he knows well and truly that he shouldn’t be, then everyone else will too. He doesn’t want to hear everyone’s reasons for why this is a horrible decision. In the end, this is his mistake to make.

And make it he does. It takes him a week but he does.

It mostly takes him a week because it is so, so hard to remember Sehyuk’s cell phone number. He was told it when he first joined the East Sect and he only ever called it twice, so it occurs to him that maybe Sehyuk was banking on him being unable to remember his number and therefore being able to live his life in peace. But, not so lucky, because Dongsung ends up typing in the digits with next to no problem (the 6 is first, not the 1).

It’s half past midnight on a Tuesday and Dongsung has the night off from work, so he figures now’s the perfect time provided that Sehyuk doesn’t have morning classes.

The phone rings, and rings, and rings. Dongsung stares at the opals on his finger.

The light catches the opals, they sparkle. Someone picks up the phone, answering in English. “Hello?”

Dongsung feels his throat tighten. He can’t tell if it’s Sehyuk or not, and also wasn’t prepared to use his limited English, so, “Is- Is Sehyuk a… around?” Then, he adds quickly, “Do you s-speak… speak Korean?”

“Yes to both,” the stranger replies, switching to Korean. “Sehyuk’s studying so I was in charge of answering his phone, but uh, here.” There’s somewhat distant speaking, and then the person comes back on. “What’s your name?”

“Uh- Dongsung, tell him it’s Dongsung.”

The person does as instructed, and there’s an audible  _oh my god_ , then, “Dongsung?”

Dongsung hadn’t actually planned out what he was going to say, so he figures he should start from the basics. “Hey.”

“Oh my god, alright, hi. Let me, uh, let me-” There’s the squeak of what Dongsung thinks is a desk chair, the ruffle of clothing. “Okay, okay. I’m outside now, in the hall. That was my roommate James, by the way.”

Dongsung hums in response. “He sounds nice. Are you friends?”

“Yes, it’s- it’s very surprising, I wasn’t expecting to become friends with him but he’s liked me since day one.” Sehyuk sighs, and it sounds shaky. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Dongsung says, and he keeps himself from adding  _I guess_. “How about you?”

“Oh god, I have a final this afternoon and I’m dying. I- I didn’t tell you because I didn’t get the chance to but I’m majoring in business, logistics, and this is a- it’s a big test. And I didn’t study for it.”

“Business,” Dongsung repeats, latching onto it. He wants Sehyuk to tell him about his life overseas, what he does, what he’s been doing, what he’s planning on doing. He wants to be friends so badly. “Why that?”

“Oh man, so many reasons!” Sehyuk says, and the pure excitement in his voice tugs at Dongsung’s heart so painfully. “I mostly just want to lead people, my end goal is to be the head of a department, but… you know, little steps. So my first little step is getting an internship with a logistics company and going from there! It sounds so boring but really it’s… it’s so exciting.”

“It’s not boring when you talk about it,” Dongsung says, rolling over so he’s laying on his back on the couch. “Tell me about logistics.”

So, Sehyuk does, detailing the basics and then delving more into what he’s planning on doing specifically, which is simply heading a logistics department within a company. Truthfully, it does sound like a hideously boring career, but Dongsung loves laying there listening to Sehyuk speaking to him, so thrilled that Dongsung would care enough about him to ask about it.

“I’m sorry, I’m just- I’m going off on a tangent, I have so much I could say.” Sehyuk sighs, and there’s a stretch of silence. “It’s late over there, huh? You should probably go to bed.”

“No, no, I’m fine.” Dongsung replies, and really he kind of isn’t. His eyelids are drooping and he knows he’s close to falling asleep, but he doesn’t want to stop talking to him.

“Dongsung,” Sehyuk says his name so softly that it almost makes tears rise to Dongsung’s eyes. “If you’re tired, you can go to sleep. Call me tomorrow, about the same time, I have no classes tomorrow.”

Dongsung thinks about it, staring up at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes. “Okay, okay. I’ll go to sleep. I- Good luck on your test, Sehyuk.” He tries his hardest to speak as fondly as he can, hoping to convey almost two years of tumultuous emotion in just a few moments.

“Thank you. Sleep well, Dongsung.” A pause. “Thank you for calling.”

“No problem.”

“Goodnight, Dongsung.”

Sehyuk hangs up and Dongsung lays there, phone still pressed to his face, mulling over everything. He knows he will be yelled at if he tells anyone, but he wants to, so badly. So badly.

 

So, he tells Taeyang.

It’s been quite a while since he’s spoken to Taeyang in person, so he takes him out to lunch.

“You look good,” he tells Taeyang quietly, and Taeyang smiles.

“Thanks, you do too. How are you holding up?”

Dongsung nods as he answers. “Good, good. But, uh, guess what happened last week.”

“Hm?”

Dongsung inhales, preparing himself for whatever Taeyang could have to say. “Sehyuk was in town.”

“I know.”

“ _What_?”

“I know,” Taeyang repeats, propping his elbow up on the table and resting his chin in his hand. “He came to see Sangwon, and I was also there to see Sangwon.”

“For what?” Dongsung asks without thinking.

“For my shit,” Taeyang says, an edge of bitterness to his voice. “He kept everything of mine and I wanted it back. He sold most of it but I was able to get my books back, at least, and one of my guns. Good enough, I guess. Anyway. How did you know? Surely he didn’t come to see you.”

Dongsung shakes his head. “No, I work at the supermarket, you know. He came by to buy things for Junhee, he said, and we- we talked briefly. He told me his number was still the same so I called him last night.”

“Damn. Was it pleasant at least?”

Dongsung doesn’t know how to properly express just how pleasant it was, so he just nods. Taeyang smiles.

The rest of their time together proceeds mostly in silence, because they never had anything to say to one another before and they certainly don’t now. When they do speak, it’s mostly just small talk and Taeyang occasionally going off on a rant about how shitty Sangwon is (which Dongsung still doesn’t know the full details of).

They part amicably. Dongsung is almost glad Taeyang didn’t try to dig too deep, because Dongsung doesn’t know if he’s ready for that. He also doesn’t know if he’s ready to talk to Seoyoung this Saturday.

 

He was not.

“Dongsung,” Seoyoung says after he spills the beans, sounding like a disappointed mother.

“Okay, yes, yes, I know.” Dongsung says, feeling like a chastised child in turn. He repeats his resolve from earlier in the week. “It was my mistake to make, Seoyoung.”

“Yes, Dongsung, but it’s not one you’re going to benefit from.” Seoyoung says, the strictest Dongsung’s ever heard her sound. “You may feel happier now, Dongsung, but you’ll quickly find that things you never got over are going to come back, and they will come back with a vengeance. I told you before that you cannot possibly be friends with him in a way that will benefit both of you at the same time, it will end up uneven and most likely unhealthy.”

Seoyoung is right, as usual. Dongsung doesn’t want her to be. “Okay, Seoyoung, you’re right. You always are right. But it’s still my mistake to make, like I said, and all I can do is try. I want to try.”

Seoyoung takes a deep breath, raking her hand through her bangs. “This could end up undoing everything you’ve done, Dongsung, everything you’ve done to get to this point of stability-”

“And it’s this point of stability that’s helping me realize that it is a mistake, Seoyoung,” Dongsung interrupts, trying to keep his voice steady. He can’t afford to get mad, or even worse, cry. “If I was still- still like I was, I would see no risk in it, and you know that.”

Seoyoung licks her lips, fixing Dongsung with an even gaze. “Alright, Dongsung. Like you said, it is your mistake to make. Remember that you have my personal number. If something goes very wrong very quickly, call me as soon as possible.”

Dongsung doesn’t think they will, but he nods in agreement anyway. Maybe he’s just trying to desperately delude himself into thinking this is okay, into thinking he’s going to be able to protect himself and not get hurt.

Maybe he’s wrong, maybe he’s right, but either way, he’s going to find out.

 

A month of hour long conversations at midnight bring them to this- a video call, with flipped roles. This time it’s Sehyuk half asleep and Dongsung sitting at his kitchen table, sunlight streaming in through the window.

“Are you sure James is alright with this?” Dongsung asks, and Sehyuk nods.

“Yeah, he does this to me with his girlfriend sometimes, so he can deal.”

There’s a muffled  _shut up_  from the other side of the room and Sehyuk laughs, eyes crinkling up in the most beautiful way. Dongsung’s chest hurts.

Time passes mostly in silence for a while, the two of them content to simply look at one another and hear each other breathe. It makes Dongsung feel so warm.

Dongsung goes to scratch his cheek and Sehyuk says, “What’s that?”

Dongsung looks at his hand and sees it, the opal ring around his finger. “It’s- it’s your ring, the one you used to wear- you know. Sangwon was going to sell it.”

“Why are you wearing it?” Sehyuk asks, incredulous.

“I- it’s pretty, and…” Dongsung feels almost embarrassed. He could confess to Seoyoung why it mattered so much to him, but now that it’s Sehyuk asking, it feels so flimsy and almost pointless to say. “I- one of the only things I remember, you know, from  _then_ , is you holding my hand. I always liked it.”

“Oh, Dongsung…” Sehyuk says quietly, like he’s horribly endeared. “I’m just- Dongsung, I’m just worried. I don’t want us talking to dredge up things that should be left alone.”

Dongsung nods, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, yeah, I’m- I’m kind of worried, too. I… I want to talk to you, though.”

Sehyuk smiles, seeming a little awkward. “I want to talk to you too. We’ll… just… play it safe, you know? Friends, Dongsung, we’re friends.”

Just those words are enough to kick Dongsung’s heart rate up, tears welling in his eyes.  _Friends_.

“Friends,” Dongsung repeats, hoping his slightly pixelated camera is enough to keep Sehyuk from seeing the tears in his eyes. “Friends, okay.”

 

Dongsung doesn’t know what it is about his problems always finding him at work.

He’s checking out a lady (not that sort of checking out), making amicable chit-chat with her, when she suddenly says, “Oh, you’re Dongsung?”

Dongsung thinks that maybe he’s garnered a reputation for being the kindest employee or something, but then the lady taps her top lip and Dongsung tries to discreetly feel his own with his tongue. It’s the scar, the one he’s had for so long now, from where- well, he lets that die in his mind. “Um, yes? That’s me.”

The woman offers her hand, leaning across the conveyor belt to do so. “My name is Yoori, I’m part of the South Sect. Sehyuk is great friends with my sect leaders, I- he visited earlier this year and talked a lot about you.”

Dongsung’s heart still leaps at any mention of Sehyuk, but he keeps an even smile on his face and shakes her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Yoori. He mentioned you had a daughter, now, where is she?”

“Ah, she’s at home. When someone offers to watch your child for you, even if it’s just for a run to the store, you take it.” Yoori smiles, tucking some of her dark brown hair behind her ear. “It’s very nice to meet you, I’ve… I’ve really wondered about you.”

Dongsung tries to imagine what sorts of things Sehyuk could have said about him to make him so marvelous in Yoori’s eyes. Once he’s finished bagging the refrigerated things, he can’t keep his curiosities at bay anymore. “If you don’t mind me asking, I- What did he say that made you wonder so much about me?”

“Oh dear, all sorts of things…” Yoori digs her wallet out of her purse, swiping her card before Dongsung gets the chance to read her the total. “He talked a lot about how much you protected him, kept him safe. How much you made him feel safe. I know what he did to you is… well, you know, but-” Yoori pauses, fingers pressing keys on the keypad as she’s prompted to input her PIN. “He’s a good man, that Sehyuk. While he was driven by selfish desires, he certainly wasn’t, but… he’s so happy now.”

Yoori’s voice has gone fond, and it makes Dongsung feel awkward. “He kept saying,” Yoori continues as she loads her cart down, “that he didn’t deserve anything. None of the kindness we showed him, none of the mercy you did, it was… heartbreaking. I hope he’s well and truly doing better.”

Dongsung hopes the same. He hopes Sehyuk is doing as well as he claims to be.

 

“Did I ever tell you I loved you?”

The question is sudden and makes Sehyuk stop short, hand hovering in mid-air. (Dongsung has discovered that Sehyuk talks with his hands a lot. It’s adorable.) “Not… Not that I can remember, no, why?” Sehyuk’s stature is tense now, like he’s nervous. His camera goes fuzzy for a moment, and he rushes to fix it.

Dongsung shrugs. “I- I was curious. I couldn’t remember.” Things sit in the back of his throat, things he could say, caught somewhere between his head and his mouth. They’re uncalled for and maybe insincere, but he wants to say them. He sorts through them and says one that he thinks he might be ready to tackle. “It’s… It’s like we’re avoiding the camel in the room, right?”

Sehyuk snorts through his nose, eyes crinkling. “Camel? Dongsung, it’s supposed to be elephant.”

“Oh. Wait, really? I- Really?”

Sehyuk bites his lips, visibly trying to hold back laughter, and nods. “Yes, dear, it is.”

Hearing the petname fall from Sehyuk’s lips brings something crashing back into Dongsung’s head, snapshots of Sehyuk stroking his cheek and calling him all sorts of things. Dear, darling, sweetness, honey pie, buttercup. It’s so sudden that it almost hurts. “You used to call me things like that all the time,” Dongsung says quietly, almost sad.

“I did, didn’t I?” Sehyuk replies, raking a hand through his hair. He looks so beautiful with his hair down, almost long enough to touch his shoulders now. “I can start doing it again.” And then, he tacks on a, “Darling.”

Dongsung gets the feeling that Sehyuk only used them back then to be condescending, exerting force in every area he could. But now, his eyes are soft and he sounds so genuine, the words filled with affection. Dongsung could almost cry.

Dongsung decides to try it out. “Okay, dear.” He whispers, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

Sehyuk smiles, but the weight of these past years shows through. It makes him look exhausted in a way Dongsung’s never seen before. “But, back to your original sentiment,” Sehyuk says, pulling Dongsung out of his thoughts. “You’re right, we are trying to ignore it. It’s not like we haven’t addressed it already, but it’s certainly best to… either put it behind us for good or let it end us on good terms. Don’t you agree?”

Dongsung does agree. They’re silent for a few moments, looking at one another, and Dongsung can’t believe that this tired-eyed man is the one that pried him apart and pieced him back together like this. He looks far, far away from Park Sehyuk, the leader of the East Sect. Now he’s just Park Sehyuk, a logistics major, sitting up late on a Saturday night talking to one of his friends half a world away.

“I suppose there’s no explaining on my part that I can really give you,” Sehyuk says, propping his phone up on something so he can pull his hair up messily, smoothing it back as best he can. “Nothing that will be sufficient enough, anyway.”

“It was selfishness,” Dongsung says quietly, watching as Sehyuk redoes his hair, as it’s come out unsatisfactory. “It was selfishness on both our parts. I wanted the world and you did too, but instead of us both getting it, you got… a fractured part of it and I got nothing.”

Sehyuk rubs his eyes sleepily and it’s the cutest thing, alleviating some of the negative emotion brewing in Dongsung’s chest. “Yes, and like I said, there’s no explaining for that selfishness that I can give you.”

“You can try. I can try too.”

Sehyuk inhales deeply, looking away from the camera. “It was a desire to be the best, when I wouldn’t have been the best anyway. But, I really could have been something had I not fucked it up, fucked everything up.” Sehyuk returns his gaze to Dongsung. “I’m not sure if you know this or not, but Sangdo and I went to school together. He was well liked, successful, had lots of girl-and-boyfriends. And I was just… nothing. It killed me to not be the center of attention so I turned out like this.”

There’s heavy silence, Dongsung sorting through all the things he could say in response, the things he could say to explain his own reasons. In the end, he chooses, “That’s- That’s why I never killed you.”

“Hm?”

“I never killed you,” Dongsung says slowly, pausing to gather his words, “because I- I saw that. Before when you told me to kill you, it was- it was a test. Just to see if I would do it. But there at the end…”

Sehyuk looks supremely wounded and Dongsung wonders if he’s gone too far. But- “Yes, and I thank you for that. You’re a good man, Dongsung, and I have far too many regrets concerning you that I’m never, ever going to get over. I told you this two and a half years ago and I’m telling you again, there is no forgiving me.”

Dongsung doesn’t know how to tell Sehyuk that he already has. Every shred of his conscious mind, every part of him that he can control without any influence, all of it has already let go of the bitterness, the anger. And maybe it was too short of a time, after four years of abuse and that aforementioned prying apart. But the fact remains.

Dongsung’s chest is burning with things he could say, jumbled emotions that he can’t figure out. It ends in tears and a quivering voice. “S-Sehyuk, I- I already have.”

It looks like Sehyuk’s going to protest, argue with Dongsung about things he already knows, but in the end he just nods curtly, a soft movement. Everything about Sehyuk is so soft now, careful and measured.

“You’ve changed so much,” Dongsung whispers. His chest hurts when Sehyuk’s face lifts in a smile.

“Is that a good thing?”

Dongsung nods emphatically, holding his phone a little tighter. “It’s a very good thing.” _I love you so much._

“You’ve changed as well.” Sehyuk adds, giving Dongsung that terribly fond look that Dongsung thinks can’t really be conveyed through cloudy lenses. “I’m glad of it. But, dearest, it’s almost three AM, I really need to go to sleep.”

“Oh, yes, please do,” Dongsung says, and then, “darling.”

Sehyuk just looks so thrilled. It’s adorable. “Sleep well. You have work tonight, correct? Good luck with that.”

“And you have class in the morning, so good luck with that,” Dongsung replies, and Sehyuk nods.

“Will do. Goodnight, dear.”

“Goodnight.”

 

Sehyuk asks for Dongsung’s address one week, and then in another couple Dongsung is getting a package.

Dongsung holds the brown box in his arms, warm because of the sunlight it had been sitting in. He’s so excited that he feels like a child again.

He gets a knife from the kitchen and slices the tape with it, laying the knife aside and opening up the flaps. Within, there are various well-packaged trinkets, a couple packages of hard candy that is no doubt half-melted, and a letter laying in the bottom.

Dongsung starts from the top, pulling at bubble wrap to reveal the things inside. These turn out to be very New-York-specific things, magnets and shot glasses and one adorable apple made of crystal. Dongsung pauses halfway through to text Sehyuk, letting him know that he got the package and that he loves everything in it.

He fishes the envelope out of the bottom of the box and pulls the flap up delicately, pulling out what appears to be a Christmas card. He snorts, knowing full well that Christmas is almost four months away, and opens the card.

An honest-to-god Polaroid picture falls out and Dongsung catches it before it hits the floor, peering at it. It seems to be Sehyuk and James, though Dongsung has only seen James clearly once in his life, in a clothing store. James’ smile is dazzling, but Dongsung is only interested in the way Sehyuk’s nose is curled up, peace sign pressed against his cheek.

Dongsung holds the picture to his chest for a few moments, then lays it on the table in favor of reading what’s in the card.

The pre-printed message reads, _Wishing you a happy holiday season!_  The words that Sehyuk wrote himself in his swirling script, however, read,  _Christmas is four months away and I don’t care. It was glittery so I bought it. This thing cost me six dollars I hope you like it. (Seriously, wishing you all the best. I just wanted to send you something. Hope you like everything!) - Sehyuk_

Dongsung feels like he could cry, but keeps himself together long enough to unlock his phone and type into the new message box on Sehyuk’s still-open chat window,  _I love you so much_.

There’s time to backspace it, time to delete it, time to regret it. Instead, Dongsung locks his phone again and sets about finding a place to put his new crystal apple.


End file.
